BREAKING THE HABITS...
It's been a rough couple of days, if I'm being honest.
(Fourteen is totally "a couple.")
May is National Mental Health Awareness month, and let me tell you, I've been pretty fucking AWARE of my mental health. Aware that even though I'm a million miles away from where I was, the darkness isn't as far gone as I'd like it to be.
People talk about intrusive thoughts. If you know, you know, and if you don't know, I won't scare you. But I've had my share these past two weeks. I'm unscathed, so far.
Any day you make it through is a win, right?
My biggest weapon has been productivity.
I've accomplished three months of work in the past three weeks, and yeah, I'm proud of that. I've been writing -- but it's not fiction, so that's been refreshing. Weird to not spend every waking moment with Melody, though that's coming. Book 2 edits should show up mid June, I think. (Send Swedish Fish. ALL the Swedish Fish.)
Instead of writing or being productive today, though, I made a choice.
A conscious, shake-it-up, reset my brain CHOICE to rearrange my living space. (This is a tried and true method to cope with stagnant thought patterns. I highly recommend it.) I also switched up my music - away went the low-key INFJ playlist, and IN came the musicals: loud and proud, complete with the singing.
Be More Chill. Heathers. Hamilton. Wicked.
The problem is the new-to-me bed in this room weighs approximately 17 tons. I was laid up for two days the last time I rearranged, but today? NO MATTER. I summoned my child and together we managed to wrangle the massive wooden headboard (that is literally as tall as I am) and the attached queen-sized frame which all felt like they were made of petrified wood into position. Then I brought said child back to her home and I spent 4 more hours sorting and placing and fixing everything just so.
And it's perfect. Yes, my back is sore. Yes, I've sung every part in each of the aforementioned musicals twice AND recited most of the dialogue in all 3 hours of Fellowship of the Ring (that was to test if I'd hooked the TV back up correctly, though.) I've touched every item I own, and placed it where it will bring me joy. I've thrown away trash, folded laundry, and basically reset everything... including my thoughts.
It's a good feeling.
I've missed feeling good.
I think, just maybe, I'm on the other side.
So I'm breaking ALL the habits, and blogging on a NOT Sunday.
Then I'm going to pile into my freshly relocated bed and watch my two episodes of Supernatural as I officially start the long road to October's season 14 premiere. Then I'm going to go to sleep and look forward to waking up for the first time in too many days.